I don’t mean to brag, but I’m a bit of a “Toy Whisperer.” I mean, if I had a superpower it would be knowing the perfect toy for each kid.
Birthdays, holidays, elementary school graduations – I nail it every time, for both boys and girls.
For my daughters, I’ve well versed in the X-chromosome language of Polly Pockets, Squinkies and Orbeez.
It’s a gift, actually.
Yet it can also be a heavy burden. Periodically, I’ll sneak a traditionally boyish toy into the girl’s playtime arsenal – Lincoln Logs, building Legos, Hot Wheels. It’s my way of creating balance and harmony within their toydom universe.
Unfortunately, I sense a disturbance in this stasis.
It seems the makers of Duct Tape have surrendered one of the most enduring strongholds of masculinity to arts & craft time by introducing an entire line of fashion-pattern tape [see photo insert above].
It’s a genius idea from a marketing perspective but it makes my inner caveman want to cry.
[NOTE: When I say "cry," I don't mean as if I was watching the movie The Notebook or anything, but more like the native American Iron Eyes Cody from the pollution PSAs of the 1970s - I want to cry that way].
Honestly, I’m not very handy. I have three tools in my tool box – a screw, a hammer (I think that’s what it’s called) and a silver roll of duct tape. By far, duct tape is my preferred tool of choice regardless of the job.
I’m not alone.
It’s been used to literally set bones on the battle field for our soldiers; it’s patched white water rafts while traversing class 5 rapids; it’s even been used on the Space Shuttle! Those are elemental, manly-type endeavors akin to discovering fire, cancer-causing-charcoal grilling and illegal old-school spiky yard Jarts.
For me Duct Tape represents more than a silvery circle of infinity as an ultra-sticky solution to an infinite array of problems – it’s part of the societal foundation.
In fact, modern American society may very well be held together by duct tape – I know it’s not the politicians.
Alas, this binding loop of silver stuckery has been relegated to flower petals, quasi-slippers [see photos] and art bins across this great land.
If only duct tape could fix my cracking heart (sigh).
Question: What’s the craziest way you’ve used duct tape?