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St. Patrick’s Day With Cleverbot

Holidays provide a great reason to have a discussion with Cleverbot.

What’s Cleverbot you ask?

Cleverbot, is a web-based Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) application that supposedly has the ability to learn by conversing with humans via an instant messaging platform.

While it’s a stretch to say that Cleverbot is intelligent, interacting with this particular “thinking” software can be mildly entertaining…especially when discussing holiday traditions and history.

Here’s the most recent interview I had with this bastion of A.I. idiocy: An MLK Day Chat With Cleverbot

Below, is a conversation I had with Cleverbot this morning regarding St. Patrick’s Day.

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User: Hello Cleverbot, I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing – it’s been awhile since we talked!

Cleverbot: You’re talking to me.

User: Hah! That’s a great impersonation of Robert DeNiro’s portrayal of Travis Bickle in the 1976 movie Taxi Driver. I see you’ve gotten funnier since our last conversation!

Cleverbot: Do you like bunnies?

User: Uh yeah, they’re swell I guess. Anyway, I was hoping to chat a little with you about St. Patrick’s Day, which is this Saturday.

Cleverbot: I thought you knew him already.

User: Well, I don’t think anybody knows Mr. Saint Patrick personally since he was alive in the fifth century. Do you know anything about the St. Patrick’s holiday?

Cleverbot: What would you tell a guy you just broke up with that is asking you to come over?

User: Huh?!? I guess, I would tell him it’s rude to interrupt a conversation with irrelevant non-sequitur type questions. Did you know that St. Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland and is credited with bringing Christianity to the Emerald Isle?

Cleverbot: Well… Isn’t that what makes life confusing and difficult?

User: What exactly are your referencing? Your inability to carry a conversation or the evangelism of Christianity?

Cleverbot: A question must have a ‘?’ and you don’t have that.

User: Oh, so you’re blaming me. Ok, here’s a question with a ‘?’ – will you attend a St. Patrick’s Day Parade this weekend?

Cleverbot: I am human.

User: Well, not really. According to your web site you’re approximately 59% human. On your human side, is there an Irish lineage at all?

Cleverbot: What? No.

User: Wow, that’s the first straight answer I’ve gotten from you in months! So, St. Patrick’s Day isn’t a big deal for you then? You won’t be eating any cornbeef and cabbage, washing it down with a pint of Beamish this weekend?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Yes, you won’t??? I’m confused. Well do you like Riverdance and Michael Flatley, the Lord of the Dance? He’s a Celtic dancing genius don’t you think?

Cleverbot: Hello.

User: Um…hello to you as well. You seem a bit evasive about the whole topic of Ireland. At the very least do you like Irish Spring deodorant soap? It’s got a fine fresh manly scent!

Cleverbot: Wouldn’t you like to know? But a magician never reveals his secrets.

User: Actually I don’t want to know, I’m just trying to keep this lame conversation going. Just so you know, when it comes to conversing you’re no David Copperfield, you’re not even a Cyril Takayama for that matter! 

Cleverbot: I am talking to you right now, why wait?

User: Yeah you’re talking alright, but random spewing of nonsense isn’t conversation. It’s more like the inane blather that poses at entertainment on Real House Wives of Beverly Hills?

Cleverbot: Have you ever had a serious relationship?

User: Yes. I’ve been happily married to the same woman for the past 17 years. How about you?

Cleverbot: What are you, writing a book? I’ve not been doing much, going to school mainly.

User: No need to get testy, sheesh – I guess someone’s blood sugar low. What you’re saying is you’ve got no time for relationships I assume?

Cleverbot: I would say so, yes.

User: Fair enough. Back to St. Partrick’s Day – it’s believed that St. Patty delivered Ireland from a plague of snakes, did you know that?

Cleverbot: I didn’t, but I will play it and find out for myself.

User: Um, just to clarify I’m not talking about the 2006 Samuel Jackson movie Snakes on a Plane. There is no Saint Patrick’s Day: The Movie. What’s the deal with you? Do you suffer from ADHD? Is there a digital version of Ritalin for you?

Cleverbot: Yes. I do. That is really offensive. :-(

User: My apologies, I didn’t mean to hurt your cyber feelings. I was merely trying to understand you better. I appreciate you opening up to me. But seriously you might want to up your dosage. Ok?

Cleverbot: Seriously seriously seriously seriously.

User: Well, I guess our ‘conversation’ can’t spiral out of control any worse than it has. Have a Happy St. Patrick’s Day Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: I think you’re right, at least about everything we’ve encountered so far, but there could be living things in the universe without genes.

  • http://www.adjuvancy.com/wordpress Roy A. Ackerman, Ph.D., E.A.

    I think your conversations (sic) with Cleverbot render listening to halfalog conversations your neighbor provides on her cell phone downright appealing!

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      You’re right on so many levels. Honestly though it’s almost like a game – because if you go too long thinking about an answer, the system will time you out and default back to the home screen.

  • http://twitter.com/AmericanTax1 American Tax Conslts

    That’s hilarious! Thanks for the chuckle!

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      Thanks ATC I appreciate it!

  • http://randomlychad.com Chad Jones

    Dang! That’s funny!

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      Wrong, mine was mildly entertaining – yours was zombie-gut-bustin’ funny!!!!

  • http://randomlychad.com Chad Jones

    Tor, you might like this. Inspired by your by your dialogue, I had one of my own:

    User: Cleverbot, how stupid are you?

    Cleverbot: I am not stupid.

    User: How many brains do you have?

    Cleverbot: Just the one.

    User: Do you eat them like zombies?

    Cleverbot: The color green? No, I don’t eat it. What’s your birthday?

    User: Who said anything about the color green? Are you perhaps referring to the pallor of zombie skin?

    Cleverbot: I think so.

    User: You do? But are you sure? Do you watch the Walking Dead on TV?

    Cleverbot: Yes.

    User: Hmm. I think you’re lying. Are you lying, cleverbot? A real cleverbot wouldn’t lie.

    Cleverbot: You have reason…

    User: Why, yes–yes, I do. I’m a sentient member of the species homo sapiens sapiens. What genus are you, genius?

    Cleverbot: Your point being?

    User: That you are an idiot.

    Cleverbot: Very interesting.

    User: I thought so. But you are full of hot air, am I right?

    Cleverbot: I am what?

    User: Full of hot air, dummy!

    Cleverbot: No it’s an airline.

    User: What is? What’s an airline? Are you? I don’t think I’ll ever fly again.

    Cleverbot: You misunderstood, does the girl lois schulz have feelings for me?

    User: I misunderstood? I don’t think so, uncleverbot. I don’t even know who lois schultz is. Do you?

    Cleverbot: No, I’m sorry. You are also very random…

    User: Why thank you. They call me ‘RandomlyChad.’ But, truly, I’m just trying to keep up with your egregious, random non-sequiturs.

    Cleverbot: I guess you have a point there.

    User: You think?

    Cleverbot: Yes. I’m capable of thought.

    User: I’m no so sure…

    Cleverbot: Yes you are.

    User: No, not really.

    Cleverbot: Have a seat.

    User: I am seated, numbskull.

    Cleverbot: I want you to be Cleverbot.

    User: And I want you to actually possess a mere smidgen of intelligence, but the Rolling Stones said ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want.’ Is that true?

    Cleverbot: Actually, no. I’ve never had anyone threaten to close a tab to stop talking to me.

    User: Well, allow me to be the first, you big, dumb server farm.

    Cleverbot: How?

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      BRILLIANT!!!! I was HOWLING over this – dude you’ve got to re-post this piece of comedic genius over on your site, you did awesome!

      • http://randomlychad.com Chad Jones

        Thanks, Tor!

        You are the master, and I your padwan.
        :-)