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Radagast the Brown For President in 2012

Gandalf & Radagast - photo credit: deviantart.com

This is a guest post from an online writing buddy of mine, Chad Jones.

We both belong to a blogging group called the Killer Tribes – it’s not as violent as it sounds.

Chad is a talented writer, you can read his work over at Randomly Chad.

Below is his satirical look at the upcoming presidential election through the lens of The Lord of the Rings.

I’m sure the powerful, yet geeky, Mithril lobby in DC will do back flips over this post!

[NOTE: You may have to crack open that dusty copy of LOTR to reacquaint yourself with some of his references - I've provided links to help.]

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Being the better known one among the Maiar, and a war hero to boot, Gandalf was a shoe-in for the presidential nomination.

Unfortunately, owing to the little fact of his departure from Middle Earth via the Grey Havens, he no longer met the rather stringent residency requirements. Which  leads to the obvious question: how about Radagast the Brown? How about him?

You know what? If we can ever get Ralph Nader to stop running, old Raddie would be the ripest pick for
the Green ticket.  That is if we can ever get him away from Tom Bombadil‘s place–picking flowers, eating honey cakes, drinking Goldberry’s tea. Or something.

Being in touch with nature and all, he’s of course the favorite son of liberals everywhere. There was even talk of rainbow-hued Saruman being his campaign  manager, but as you know he came down with a major case of the deads.

So Radagast hired Al Gore instead.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Radagast the simple, Radagast the  bird tamer–Radagast, the “Chance the Gardener” of Middle Earth–is heading your way, bringing his curds and whey.

He would offer a bird in every pot, but being a vegan, that kinda puts him in a spot. Tofurkey?

“Roots, nuts, and berries for everyone! Who cares about the economy, we’re going back to the land!”

Radagast, the Fruit Nut for president!

Question: What Middle Earth character would you recommend for Radagast’s running mate?

  • http://randomlychad.com Chad Jones

    Tor, thanks for hosting me today! Sure appreciate it. Had fun writing this!

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      It’s a pleasure – I think your piece resonates with the disenfranchised voting populaces of Ents, dwarfs and hobbits….

  • http://www.facebook.com/nicolebandes Nicole Bandes

    Great question. The ring. It already poses the ability to transform most people into babbling idiots obsessed with it so it’s ahead of the power game!

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      Hah! That is genius – I think you have a future as a political strategist on either K Street or Rivendell.

    • http://randomlychad.com Chad Jones

      “One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them. In the land of Mordor, where the shadows lie.”

      Some would say a similar pallor perhaps lies over D.C. ;-)

  • http://thewholedangthing.wordpress.com Ben Emerson

    Beorn. Radagast is going to need a strong running mate.

    • http://randomlychad.com Chad Jones

      Beorn! Great choice, Ben!