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Once Upon a Vasectomy…

Photo Credit: Creative Commons – Roxy77

Once upon a time, there lived a family of four.

The parents so loved their kids, they wanted to try for one more.

After trying and prayers, they soon had a boy – this latest addition brought them all loads of  joy.

The parents agreed their family’s size was just  fine. So much so they nodded, “We should perhaps draw a line.”

But the line’s not a true line – it’s a metaphor you see, because the couple decided to have a vasectomy.

When I say “the couple” I of course mean the man, ‘cuz he’s the one for which a vasectomy is planned.

The quest was engaged – his reproductive door would be shut – a doctor was needed for the man’s final cut.

To find a great doctor would indeed by the key –  identify an MD for his nether anatomy.

Referrals from close friends was all that it took, the dad found a great doc to take a quick look.

Upon consultation a date they did make, the doctor assured it’d be easy as cake.

Regardless, the dad soon looked up WebMD – to learn a bit more of his near surgery.

While researching online the dad started to squirm, it seems razor-sharp knives help stop flowing sperm.

The site then recommends resting flat on your back, with swelling to be treated by a strategic ice pack.

All things considered, the procedure’s not bad – he’ll keep from four-peating as a brand-spanking new dad.

Let the banners unfurl and the trumpets sound out. Let the laurel leaves fall and chorale singers shout.

Fast as a flash his virility ends, after a fast “lower” shave and snip of vas deferens.

With the procedure complete, the family number is quite right – and they embark on their  future that seems only bright.

The moral of this tale should be easy to see, that it’s really quite easy for a vasectomy.

(at least that’s what my wife says)


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  1. Awesome. Never heard such a procedure described more poetically.

  2. What a trip! Great poem, but not a memory I want to revisit.

  3. I remenber mine just like it was 14just years ago. Nothing like having an 82 year old nurse stuff gauze down your shorts.

  4. WorkingNaked says:

    What a creative way to describe an uncomfortable (yet reasonable) surgery. :)

  5. Bonnie Anderson says:

    I can hardly believe the things you write, Most would hold those thoughts from others’ sight, But you are brave and you don’t care, Your transparency is a thing quite rare. Funny post.

  6. Ouch.

  7. It’s not fair, & quite painful you see
    when from your daily retort i do snort
    from my nose hot coffee!

  8. thanks for the much-needed laugh on this tuesday morning, tor.

  9. I believe you may have left to our imagination the very best part for he and his wife,
    If the operation was a success surely he “did it” again and survived the knife!

  10. That was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

  11. You’ll be glad to know that they are also reversible… :-0

  12. Tor,

    You will be surprised with how easy the recovery is from this surgery. Unless you have a jump rope addiction or something like that, you will find that the whole thing is really not terrible at all despite all the euphemisms.

    Moreover the peace of mind is priceless.

    If it is any comfort at all, you can be back in action in as little as 72 hours (if that was a concern)

    Chin up, and great poem!

  13. Ouch! Funny but ouch!

  14. This was brilliant! I’ll be going in for the big snip-snip this winter. 3 kids is plenty for us.

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