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Love – Finding a Definition That Works

Photo Credit: Creative Commons – doug8888

Our culture is obsessed with the idea of love. Films, music, art, and even Virginia bumper stickers are saturated with the word “love.”

But there is a problem: most of us cannot define love. We know that a feeling is involved. Ron Burgundy claims it is like, “skyrockets in flight!” Many can identify examples of love, but definitions rarely get passed, “you know, it’s love!”
I recently celebrated my third anniversary to a far more amazing wife then a guy like me could ask for. Before we got married, I wanted to define love. My first definition was probably 6,000 words long. This was helpful, but it certainly would not fit in the dictionary.
Since then, I have grown in my understanding of what love is, both through experience and good teaching, and I have narrowed the whole definition down to one sentence. I owe this definition to the brilliant minds of two men in particular: Josh McDowell and Randy Pope.
And here we go…
“Love is a commitment, based upon the will of God, to provide and protect, and is most often under girded by an emotion.”
 
This is a rather thick definition, so allow me to unpack it for you:

1)    Love is a commitment: I have often heard that love is a choice, but I think commitment is a better word. We make choices everyday and can change our decision at a moment’s notice. When we commit to something, however, we are in it for the long haul. A husband commits to loving his wife, in both sickness and in health. A father commits to loving his children, even when they drive him crazy. Granted, there is a daily choice to demonstrate our love, but this choice is founded in our commitment.

2)    Based upon the will of God: Why do I love my neighbor? Because God wills me to do so. Why do I love my wife? Because God wills me to do so. Why do I love my enemy? Because God wills me to do so. How do I know He wills these things? The Bible is rather clear on this. We are commanded to love people.

3)    To Provide and Protect: This is the actual action of love. Because I love my wife, I work to protect and provide for her. If I have to sacrifice my own body to protect her, then I will. Hopefully, none of us will need to die for a spouse or child, but it is far more likely we will have to sacrifice our convenience, pride, ambitions, wants, and time to protect and provide for our loved ones. The essential position here is that of a servant. When you love someone, you put them and their needs above your own.

4)    Most often under girded by an emotion: When you love someone, you usually will feel “warm fuzzies” towards them. It kind of is like skyrockets in flight! But what about when I have to love my enemies? Or, much more practical, what about when my wife asks me to do the dishes when I am well positioned on the couch after a long day of work? I can assure you, while most people experience butterflies in their stomach when they have their first kiss, few people have the same feeling when they wash their first dish.

But that is OK. I don’t need those feelings to protect and provide for my wife. I’ve committed my life to her and God has called me to love her. So even on the days when I would rather be selfish and the emotions seem missing, Lord willing I will choose to serve her.

I’ve learned something rather interesting in these past three years. When I willfully choose to serve her, even when I have no desire to wash the dishes or clean the car or go shopping, and once I get over the hump of my own pride, the feelings I have for her come flooding in stronger than ever.

Question: How do you define love?

EdiTOR’s Note: Our family recently delivered our third child. As such, some blogging buddies of mine have graciously offered to write a series of guest posts to allow my family to spend a little time together – away from this blog. I’m deeply grateful for such friends, and I hope you enjoy their writing!

Today’s guest post is from Evan Forester. He loves people, sports, cheese, and adventure. In fact, he moved to New Zealand with his wife, Morgan, on July 3. He writes regularly at #LiveFully (http://livefullyblog.com) and you can find him on twitter here (@evanforester)

  • http://theromanticvineyard.com/ Debi – Theromanticvineyard

    I love your definition. So helpful to those who are newly married to learn, and for those who have been married for years to remember. Thanks!

    • http://www.livefullyblog.com/ Evan Forester

      Thanks Debi! It has definitely been helpful for us.

  • http://twitter.com/shawnrsnyder Shawn Snyder

    What a great definition of love. Commitment is the cement that holds when the emotion isn’t always the warm fuzzies.

    • http://www.livefullyblog.com/ Evan Forester

      Love that wording: “commitment is the cement…” Great metaphor/simile/analogy/I should have studied my grammar terms better

  • http://www.robshep.com Rob Shepherd

    I define love as “Chipotle.” Oh wait. That’s not what you were looking for? Have you been to Chipotle. It’s amazing. I do love your quote and the breakdown. Great stuff!

  • http://www.adjuvancy.com/wordpress Roy A. Ackerman, Ph.D., E.A.

    Mine is similar to yours, but I don’t invoke the SB. Not that I don’t believe in the SB, but having endured divorce, I know that the SB affords us the choice to do so (at least in my religion), but does not consider that a normal course of events. As such, my definition would read…
    Love is our commitment to protect, provide and support another in their life’s endeavors.
    As such, my definition covers the love of one’s spouse, the love of one’s children, and the love of our fellow man (or woman).

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      Thanks Roy, great definition!

      Evan – the initials “SB” are a short-hand that Roy uses for “Supreme Being”…just wanted to clarify that for you.

  • Drjim

    I appreciate the inclusion of a SB in the definition – after all, our marriage to our spouse is patterned after Christ’s relationship to the Church. And commitment is a great bedrock to have, because “feelings” invariably change as we age – just like our bodies and minds. I think you have defined the “anti-Hollywood” type marriage.

    • http://www.livefullyblog.com/ Evan Forester

      I think the inclusion is pretty important too. The SB created love: we love because He first loved us.