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You are here: Home / Family / Feeding Your Kid’s Dream or Delusion
April 18, 2012 By 18 Comments

Feeding Your Kid’s Dream or Delusion

American Idol Experience - (Wikimedia Commons)

This is a new article I wrote for Technorati.com:

I loathe the show American Idol – mainly because of the cattle call auditions where the program travels from city-to-city in search of contestants.

Conversely, millions of viewers love those auditions because the majority of the wannabe performers are so pitifully pitch deaf that they’re akin to an auditory car crash. People can’t turn away from a car crash – they have to ogle it.

In the case of Idol’s auditions, the singing is so bad it’s comical – so it’s more like watching the crash of a clown car that’s stuffed with Bozos, Clarabells and Emmet Kelly Jrs.

It’s laughably sad.

These performers are so diluted regarding their lack of ability that they can’t begin to plumb the depths of their nonexistent talent.

How did they get that way?

I blame their parents and other adults in their lives.

During formative years, such influencers irresponsibly built up their little non-singers to believe that they’ll be the next Celine Dion – when their voices actually pitch more wildly than the rookie ballplayer Nuke LaLoosh in the movie Bull Durham.

That’s why I can’t stand American Idol, because parents and caregivers didn’t care enough about their kids to quell their delusions without killing their dream.

Parents should support the aspirations and dreams of their kids, but it must be done with the same nurturing care as with a child’s education or physical needs.

Prepare
If a child wants to be a singer, it’s probably a good idea to get them enrolled in the church or school choir; sign them up for singing lessons; hire a vocal coach or encourage them to play an instrument.

Creative types should immerse themselves in the culture of their dream if they want it to become a reality someday.

Pressure Test
A child’s talent needs to be tested in small ways, over time. Anyone chasing their dream is going to hit obstacles of doubt and dissent. Parents must honestly sift through the jealous derisiveness and constructive feedback to help the child improve.

This pressure testing must be a supportive process to keep hope alive in the child – but hubris in check.

Practice, Practice, Practice
Malcolm Gladwell’s bestselling book Outliers is based on the premise that expertise in any field is only achieved by 10,000 hours of practice.

If a child is committed to their dream, then the parents must encourage the child to log the practice hours. Lofty dreams are built upon a solid foundation.

Protect
In pursuit of a dream, parents must also protect their kids from dream-killing humiliation. Parents must love them enough to protect the dream by possibly re-directing the dream in another form of expression.

If the child can’t sing perhaps they can write lyrics or melodies – the grownup must help them find a sustainable, life-long creative outlet on a smaller scale.

Ultimately parents must help their child live the dream to the best of the child’s ability without squelching it as a mere pipe dream.

Question: Did your parents help or hinder your personal dream?

Read more: http://technorati.com/lifestyle/family/article/feed-their-dream-starve-their-delusion/#ixzz1sOkXeGXs

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  • Kim Constantino

    Great article!

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      Thanks wife! You do a great job of helping our kiddos stay inspired yet humble! Love ya!

  • http://twitter.com/isi_dixon Isi Dixon

    Really good advice. It’s so easy to encourage our kids to be their best, but it’s also important to tell them when “their” best simply doesn’t cut it in the real world, nicely and supportively, but honestly.

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      I really appreciate the positive feedback Isi – thanks for stopping by!

  • http://www.facebook.com/nicolebandes Nicole Bandes

    I think the key to this is something you touched on. It’s a sorting process. Most of the contestants that are REALLY bad on the show have never once performed for anyone besides their parents and possibly immediate family. If the parents had truly supported their dream to become a singer, they could have gotten them the training they needed. With this training, they would have either become much better or learned (without their parents squashing the dream) that they just weren’t cut out for it.

    It reminds me of Albert Einstein’s quote: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

    And if you continue to encourage that fish to climb that tree, it will ultimately fail.

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      LOVE your use of that Einstein quote Nicole – great comment!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002916025147 Anne Brown

    I think my parents hindered me because I had to spend all my time at school doing any manner of things that did not inspire me then or now. I home school my children so that they can spend every waking minute they want on what they like to do. It takes a lot of time and practice to get good at anything even singing. There is nothing that can’t be learned if there is a desire to learn it.

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      Great insight Anne, thanks for sharing it! I especially like your point “…There is nothing that can’t be learned if there is a desire to learn it.”

  • http://www.adjuvancy.com/wordpress Roy A. Ackerman, Ph.D., E.A.

    I always consider such shows to be demonstrative of what’s wrong with this society. We care about fame without talent, we care about rewards without merit, and some of us are willing prostitutes to the altars that promote such behaviors…

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      You never disappoint Roy – thanks for another provocative comment here!

  • http://jennyschallenge.com/ Jenny

    GREAT post and great analogy of American Idol. I detest that show for very much the same reasons. The word ‘responsibility’ has fallen out of many of today’s parents’ vocabulary.

  • http://www.jackiebledsoe.com/ jbledsoejr

    Really good post! With children age 11, 6, & 2 my wife and I are constantly discussing this and have been for several years. I especially like what you say in your last point (Protect)…”If the child can’t sing perhaps they can write lyrics or melodies – the grownup must help them find a sustainable, life-long creative outlet on a smaller scale.” Sometimes redirection is necessary. It seems like the pressure test will reveal if this is needed.

    Thanks for sharing!

  • http://theoddcoupleblog.com/ Shawn

    I don’t know if it was because of where I grew up or the personality of my mother or whatever the factor. I was taught to work hard, nobody owed me anything and if I wanted something to go get it. To be truthful there wasn’t a lot of dreaming going on. With my own kids I believe in being truthful but tactful. Singing is a gift you have it or you don’t and need to work on it. And the same with other areas of your life.

  • http://twitter.com/RamblinGarden Alana Mautone

    Tor, this is the best blog post I have ever read! In fact, you can do no wrong! You are a super talent! Wow! Here’s a trophy….seriously (I did think it was an excellent post) back when I was a team leader at work…well I won’t go there except to say I wasn’t the only one who noticed the young people entering the workplace weren’t prepared for the reality of the workplace and learning, for the first time, that they weren’t the greatest (as they seemingly had been taught by everyone up to that point.) I loved the Albert Einstein quote a few comments ago. How true!

  • http://www.titus2coaching.com/ Dyrene Bell

    Great perspective. Glad to see I met most of your requirements for parental support. One of my Daughters is still TONE DEAF, but loves to sing. I hope she is able to learn to fix her issue, maybe taking a choral class in High School will help??

  • Kristen

    My husband and I discuss this all the time with all the “talent” shows out there. It always surprises me to see a poor young person whose dream is crushed while millions watch. I always wonder about the parent’s role in the decision that led up to that moment. I think that kids should be encouraged to do whatever they want to do for fun. But the decision to be judged by so many people should not be taken lightly…

  • http://randomlychad.com Chad Jones

    I think the balance advocate is a really good idea. As the Scriptures say “train up a child in the way he should go…” Which does not mean pandering to their egos. But what I do think it means is helping them develop their natural, God-given talents.

    As for your question, I think man mom tried, but was too busy being a single parent.

  • Mullenann4

    I don’t know what my parents did, but I had an incredibly talented artistic son. The problem with being artistic is that art is not a gift that you can teach. Teaching about drawing can actually inhibit the artist. He took art in school and did all right, but he could not deal with the art school I sent him to. While he could do what they wanted, he wasn’t interested enough to get past the techniques to the advanced work. He was also mental unstable as many artists are and didn’t like competition. He left the school and didn’t practice his gift again. I don’t know what I could have done differently. He committed suicide 10 years ago and missed all the cool stuff that has gone on in the art field since his death.