Clownish Celebrity Parenting: Alicia Silverstone wins by a mouthful - image via Creative Commons, credit honeycut7
Last week, actress and ultra-all-natural mom Alicia Silverstone (who ironically starred in the movie Clueless) posted a home video on YouTube.
In the clip she proceeded to feed her son – named Bear – by first chewing the food herself – and then feeding him mouth-to-mouth.
Perhaps she might want to consider renaming Baby Bear something more appropriate, to something like…oh, I don’t know…perhaps Baby Bird – since she’s modeling the aviary regurgitation practice.
Here’s the video:
The first time I saw the video I threw up alittle in my own mouth – luckily there were no hungry children nearby.
This story would probably make me sad if it wasn’t so unbelievably, over-the-top ridiculous.
Mouth-to-Mouth Mealtime With Mom: The Growing Years
I wonder what this particular child rearing tactic may mean for the young Bear Silverstone when he goes to school, assuming his mom fails to effectively wean him from her salivation mastication.
- In Kindergarten, will she pre-chew his crackers and milk during snack time?
- At first communion, would she soften up his wafer in her own mouth and then slip him a “Host” slurry?
- I wonder which holiday he will grow to hate more – Halloween or Thanksgiving?
- I would also have to assume that this kid faces a lifelong fate of flavorless, ABC bubble gum.
- Assuming Bear gets married, will his wife put cake in her Mother-in-law’s mouth for oral conveyance to the groom?
So many questions in the future, but we need to focus on the here and now.
Eccentric Parenting Ideas
Here are some other “alternative” child-rearing suggestions that the Silverstone household might consider:
Diaper Freedom: avoid the hassle of choosing between cloth or disposable, simply allow the baby complete unencumbered lower gastro-intestinal freedom. What’s a little e-coli or rotavirus, perhaps she can even train the baby to go outside like a pet and compost his waste in her organic garden?
Baby Cling-on: this isn’t a Star Trek reference but rather the suggestion of carrying and holding the child 24/7. Muscle and skeletal development are overrated – isn’t the secure clutch of an overprotective parent more important to ensure that the child has a strong sense of security? And I’m sure she’ll have him work through his separation anxiety via a hemp teething ring.
Full-Body Lamination: this is by far my best idea, since loosely laminating your child (with proper openings for necessary bodily functions) offers so many practical benefits. Namely the child has extra barrier protection against viruses and bacteria. You can use the lamination surface on the child’s back as a dry-erase board for grocery lists, errands or phone messages. Clean up is a also a breeze – a few squirts of your favorite organic, carbon-neutral cleanser will do the trick.
Question: What other clownish child-rearing tactics might be useful for celebrity consideration?
