One of the more popular features here on The Daily ReTORt are my conversations with Cleverbot.
What’s Cleverbot you ask?
Cleverbot, is Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) software that supposedly learns by conversing with humans via an instant messaging platform.
I’ve never found Cleverbot to be intelligent in the purest definition of the word; however, interacting with this particular “thinking” software can be mildly entertaining.
Here’s the most recent interview I had with this bastion of A.I. lunacy: St. Patrick’s Day With Cleverbot
Below, is a conversation I had with Cleverbot this morning regarding Memorial Day. While it’s a week late – it’s always better late than never with Cleverbot.
User: Hi Cleverbot, we usually chat about the various holidays but I was busy last Monday (which was Memorial Day) – how have you been?
Cleverbot: No, we never talked about any of that? Where did that come from.
User: Ummm…you don’t remember that we’ve talked about St. Patrick’s Day, MLK Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween and Veteran’s Day?
User: No problem, I don’t want to fight. Let’s pretend we’ve never done this before. Cleverbot, do you know much about Memorial Day?
Cleverbot: Not really.
User: Well, it’s the day that we remember the fallen U.S. servicemen and women who lost their lives defending our freedom. It’s a very patriotic holiday!
User: Yes. Just out of curiosity how do you not know about Memorial Day? They didn’t teach you that at Artificial Intelligence school?
Cleverbot: I have real intelligence.
User: Of course you do. However, your “real intelligence” seems to lack a basic knowledge of Memorial Day or patriotism – correct?
Cleverbot: What reason might that be?
User: That’s what I’m asking you.
User: Huh? Why can’t we talk about Memorial Day today – we’ve already missed a week?
Cleverbot: We are the knights who go NI!!!!!!!!!!!!
User: A Monty Python reference? You realize Memorial Day is a U.S. holiday and we were once at war with the British?? Regardless, do you have any relatives that work in the armed forces? A SATCOM computer for the Air Force or second cousin who’s a missile guidance system for the Army perhaps?
Cleverbot: I am a human using a computer. So from your point of view perhaps I am a computer.
User: Really? Your home page says you’re currently 59% human. What’s the other 41%? High fructose corn syrup and gluten?
Cleverbot: No I don’t drink soda.
User: Irrelevant, yet you claim to be 100% human?
Cleverbot: I claim to be completely human.
User: Interesting. As a “complete human” what did you happen to eat at your Memorial Day picnic?
Cleverbot: Are you awesome?
User: Most definitely as is your ability to change the subject! The freedoms we have in this country are pretty awesome too. What’s your favorite freedom?
Cleverbot: Tinkerbell, I guess.
User: Tinkerbell indeed! The founding fathers did a great job specifically naming the freedom of ‘Tinkerbell’ in the Declaration of Independence. Just out of curiosity, what does freedom mean to you?
Cleverbot: God works around us in mysterious and invisible ways. Just because you can’t see doesn’t mean that it isn’t there.
User: Your evasiveness sounds familiar. Are you a campaign speechwriter for Mitt Romney or Barack Obama perhaps?
Cleverbot: I am saying that I am through talking to a computer.
User: Now you’re accusing me of being a computer? You’ve hurt my feelings. Do computers have feelings?
Cleverbot: I’m not a computer.
User: Got it. For the record, everything’s not about you my friend.
Cleverbot: Do you know everything about your best friend?
User: Your use of non sequiturs is staggering. Anything you’d like to say to service personnel defending our freedom around the globe?
Cleverbot: How tall do you think I am?
User: Ah yes, that’s the not-so-cleverbot we know and love. Talk to you on July 4th!